Santa's weding aniversary

It was Santa's wedding anniversary.

Santa's wife :Shall we have Tandoori chicken to celebrate?

Santa: Why punish the poor chicken for the mistake we have made?

Santa and Banta and the dead friend

A man died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So they called up his two friends Santa and Banta to come and try to identify the body.
Santa went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet and Santa said, "Yaa, he`s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Santa looked at his ass and said, "No, that ain`t him."
The mortician didn`t say any thing but thought that was kind of strange.
Then he brought in Banta to identify the body, and Banta looked at him and said, "Yaa, he`s burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Banta looked down at his ass and said, "No that ain`t him."
The mortician said "How can you tell?"
Banta said, "Well he had two assholes."
"What? he had two assholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yaa, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time the three of us went to town everyone would say "Here comes Kesar with the two assholes!"

Santa's weding aniversary

It was Santa's weding aniversary.

Santa's wife :Shall we have Tandoori chicken to celebrate?

Santa: Why punish the poor chicken for da mistake we have made?

Toll Free Numbers 2

This post is 2nd in the series of helpline/toll free numbers of some organisations:-

These are for the banks

ABN AMRO - 1600 11 2224
Canara Bank - 1600 44 6000
Citibank - 1600 44 2265
Corporatin Bank - 1600 443 555
Development Credit Bank - 1600 22 5769
HDFC Bank - 1600 227 227
ICICI Bank - 1600 333 499
ICICI Bank NRI - 1600 22 4848
IDBI Bank - 1600 11 6999
Indian Bank - 1600 425 1400
ING Vysya - 1600 44 9900
Kotak Mahindra Bank - 1600 22 6022
Lord Krishna Bank - 1600 11 2300
Punjab National Bank - 1600 122 222
State Bank of India - 1600 44 1955
Syndicate Bank - 1600 44 6655


Please tell me if you find them any useful.

Freaky story

My friend lives in Rohini... One day he went to Gurgaon to visit his uncle for some days. One evening he and some other of my friends went to Priya's for a movie. He had so much fun that he
forgot that it was very late. He reached Gurgaon around midnight...... He had to walk about a mile from where his friend dropped him.... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an old creepy looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a thing like that..... It got the shivers on him when he noticed that his old guy is unusually pale and staring at him... The old guy said "Son why don't you get a book...it would keep you company". Then he did something which he would regret for the rest of his life
......... My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his collection.. he noticed that all the books were related to supernatural activities...but he found one that was very interesting. So he asked the old man "how much is it?".... The old guy replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's only for Rs 250."
My friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive" This time the old man stared which freaked my friend. My friend quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs. 200 & said "This is all I have." The old guy replied "It's OK son ...you can have the book for that price" As ! my friend was just about to run for home...the old man called back & said "Son ... whatever happen, you don't ever flip the book to it's last page... remember these words or you would regret it...!!!!!"
My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby? The Uncle replied "not that I know of but ...we've heard that there's 1 old man comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that here is something creepy about it...why son?" My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle...just asking". He started reading the book with the old man's words on his mind. At night, 2 0'clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled him up to his bones. At that glimpse, he noticed the wind had blown the pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said! But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the last page fainted... What he saw at the last page is stated below:
Don't look further down if you have a weak heart I
warn you ..........




Original price:-- Rs. 20/-
Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-

Bangalore :D

Here are some interesting facts about Bangalore !!

1. Bangalore has the impeccable record of highest growth within a span of 20 Years

2. Bangalore has highest number of pubs in Asia .

3. Bangalore has highest number of cigarette smokers in India .

4. Bangalore has the highest number of software companies in India -212, followed by Hyderabad - 108, Pune - 97. Hence called the Silicon Valley of India

5. Bangalore has 21 engineering colleges, which is highest in the world in a given city. Bangalore University has 57 Engineering colleges affiliated to it, which is highest in the world.

6. Bangalore is the only city in the world to have commercial and defence Airport operating from the same strip.

7. Bangalore has highest number of public sectors and government Organizations in India .

8. Bangalore university has highest number of students going abroad for higher studies taking the first place from IIT-Kanpur.

9. Bangalore has only 48% of local population( i.e.Kannadigas) .Hence a true cosmopolitan with around 25% Tamilians,14% Telugites, 10% Keralites, 8% Europeans, 6% a mixture of all races.

10. Bangalore police has the reputation of being second best in India after Delhi .

11. Bangalore has the highest density of traffic in india .

12. Bangalore has the highest number of 2-wheelers in the world.

13. Bangalore is considered the fashion capital of east comparable to Paris

14. Bangalore has produced the maximum international sportsmen in India for all sports ahead of even Mumbai & Delhi.

15. Bangalore has produced the maximum number of scientists considered for Nobel Prize nominations.

16. Bangalore has produced the highest number of professionals in USA almost 60% of the Indian population abroad is from Bangalore (except Gulf).

17. Bangalore is famous for THREE: Software Professionals, Girls and Dogs.
This one is Ultimate.

18. Bangalore is famous for its dog bites, an average of 12 people are bitten by stray dogs per MINUTE somewhere in Bangalore !!!

the new charging station

What I am really surprised to know is that they [those mortals in the US] do not have mobile charging stations. I mean, I always thought that all technological innovations are made there but this was a big surprise.

A company in US has come up with the charging station which can charge your mobile phone. It can support 6 brands of mobile phones and your i-Pod too. Now, here is the catch [for the Indian citizen]. It is a paid service. They charge $3 for half-hour charging time. Not really cheap if you convert them in INR really. ;)

So if you want to read more about these charging stations, then you can do that here.

the new charging station

What I am really surprised to know is that they [those mortals in the US] do not have mobile charging stations. I mean, I always thought that all technological innovations are made there but this was a big surprise.

A company in US has come up with the charging station which can charge your mobile phone. It can support 6 brands of mobile phones and your i-Pod too. Now, here is the catch [for the Indian citizen]. It is a paid service. They charge $3 for half-hour charging time. Not really cheap if you convert them in INR really. ;)

So if you want to read more about these charging stations, then you can do that here.

cheating help

If you have a 1000 pounds sterling to spare and another 1000 to start with then you can well be a millionaire.

The Gambling commission in UK, as reported by the Guardian in this report, is planning to let the casinos guard themselves against the usage for these cheating devices worth a grand which are claimed to give "considerable" advantages to the punters. These are the roulette cheating machines which consist of hidden ear piece, a computer and a small digital time recorder which were claimed to be used by some cheaters at the Ritz who won 1.3 million pounds.
Interesting news if you know how to play roulette and can risk been kicked by those 7 footer bouncers ;)

Mobiles and youngsters

BBC reported that 91% of the youngsters have mobile phones when they reach the secondary school in Scotland. The finding were reported by some survey group commissioned by The Carphone warehouse.

What could be the real disadvantages of this trend? Some days back there was this news where this teenager had some problem with her thumb and had to be submitted to the hospital. It was because of her excessive usage of text messaging. There should be more such health related issues attached if the mobile usage trend continue to grow in such way. I really think that no matter which direction the debate about radio waves affecting the brain cells goes, this trend would have some really bad consequences on the social health of the teenagers.

Important phone numbers

I got a forwarded mail sometimes back that had host of important number that can be helpful in certain situations. I am including some of them below:-
Computers/IT


Adrenalin 1600 444 445

AMD 1600 425 6664

Apple Computers 1600 444 683

Canon 1600 333 366

Cisco Systems 1600 221 777

Compaq / HP 1600 444 999

Data One Broadband 1600 424 1600

Dell 1600 444 026

Epson 1600 44 0011

eSys 3970 0011

Genesis Tally Academy 1600 444 888

HCL 1600 180 8080

IBM 1600 443 333

Lexmark 1600 22 4477

Marshal's Point 1600 33 4488

Microsoft 1600 111 100

Microsoft Virus Update 1901 333 334

Seagate 1600 180 1104

Symantec 1600 44 5533

TVS Electronics 1600 444 566

WeP Peripherals 1600 44 6446

Wipro 1600 333 312

xerox 1600 180 1225

Zenith 1600 222 004


Tell me, if you find them helpful and I would include more.

Understanding Access Points

While configuring GPRS setting to enable Internet on our mobile phones, many of us have had nightmarish times. This is because of the two simple reasons:-

1. The customer care is generally not fully equipped to handle GPRS queries [maybe because the numbers of queries are low]

2. Different mobile device brands have different menus. Let alone different brands, even models from same brands have different menus even if the logic behind / menu names is unchanged.

Thus is it very important that we understand what is what while trying to configure WAP over GPRS on our mobile phones.

There is something called as Access Node or Access Point which need to be set while configuring GPRS. These are also known as APNs or Access Point Nodes. These could be understood as the first point of contact for any internet based request sent from a mobile handset to the carrier. Whenever we create a bookmark and try to access it, the request goes to a designated APN which is selected on the handset for Web or Multimedia or Email respectively.

Different Access Points [single APN can be selected for all if that is how the carrier has configured it] should be created for Email, MMS and Web requests and should be configured for the respective requests. I am giving below the values of Web Access point that need to be created for Airtel and Hutch in Delhi, below:-

Airtel - airtelgprs.com
Hutch - www

Both of these Access Point values above are for reference while setting values through Personal configuration option.

Women in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that
I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic
and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every
closet and checked under all the beds.

I kept this up until I had
looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just
keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be
alive.

Paki, Bangladeshi and an Sardar

A Paki, Bangladeshi and an Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls
out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Islamabad our
glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to
pieces. He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that
we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Sardar , cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and
Bangladeshi. He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that
We don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

Planet Hutch settings

In the previous posts I talked GPRS. It is very important that we know how to configure the settings so that it works properly. Many a times we are not supported by the Technical care center, which results in loss of our subscription money.

Keeping that in mind I have started a series of posts which helps with the GPRS settings. If you want to do the manual configurations for Planet Hutch to work on your mobile then you might find the below information helpful:-

Settings Name - Your Discretion [preferably name it something like PlanetHutchGPRS]
Home Page - Any [http://www.google.com]
SessionMode - Permanent
Data Bearer - GPRS
GPRS Access point - portalnmms
IP Address - 10.10.1.100
Authentication type - Normal

Please provide yur feedbacks/suggestions in the comments.

GPRS settings

I have been bugged by different modes in which the GPRS [General Packet Radio Service] works on two major carriers here in Delhi.

Hutch & Airtel.

They both have at least couple each of APNs which let you access Internet from your mobile phone. The names with which APNs are famous are as follows:-

Airtel:-

Airtel Live - This is a walled garden kind of scenario where you can download ringtones, wallpapers etc. for the available WAP pages [you can access some specific websites (IPs)]. The IP has to be explicitly white-listed if you want to access it.
Mobile Office - This acts as a normal Internet gateway where you can access any website that you want to

Hutch:-

Planet Hutch - This is same as Aitel Live (although I believe they don't really block any website as such)
Hutch Access - This is popularly known as the Internet gateway which lets you access INTERNET

I would give some steps that would be helpful while configuring GPRS on the phone in my posts later.

another joke

Banta was recruited as a salesman in a music shop where cassettes, music records, gramophones etc. were sold. The proprietor, at the time of the interview, had instructed him that if any customer asked for any item which was not in the stock, he should suggest for an alternative instead of refusing the demand.
One day, a pretty young girl of 18 entered the shop and asked Banta, " Mr., Have you got TWO LIPS & SEVEN KISSES ?"
The record was not in the stock hence Banta suggested," No madam, I have not got two lips and seven kisses but I have got TWO BALLS AND SEVEN INCHES."
The girl exclaimed," Is it a record?"
Salesman answered," No madam, it`s quite NORMAL."

Blog editor review

I would be adding the following things in my blog editors review matrix:-

1. Comments

2. Fun quotient

3. Load on machine

4. Pod casting support

Technorati : blog blogging editor review

Blog editing softwares

I am going to review some blogging editors. I think they are a good idea and make sense. I am looking for the following features:-

1. Should be a Freeware


2. Should have spellchecker


3. Should have AutoSave of posts feature [i don't have real faith in my UPS ;)]


4. Should be able to post to both platforms that I have my blogs on, currecntly - Blogger and Wordpress


5. Win 2k support


6. Minimal download size

At this moment I plan to review 6 editors. They would be:-

• Qumana


• Microsoft's LiveWriter


• BlogDesk


• BlogJet


• Zoundry


• w.blogger

I would publish my review soon.

Wife to Husband and back

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your Ex-wife

***********************

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S . I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.